Jul. 13th, 2011

violetsnvalium: (Default)
I have a really great idea! I want to open a gay bar. But not a gay bar as in a bar for homosexuals. A GAY bar. With knickerbockerglories and everyone wearing their spring frock, and strawberries and cream and "Oh oh Antonio he's gone away left me alonio all on my ownio" and afternoon tea and dancing and a maypole, and a barmaid looking like Florrie Forde. Ohhhhhhhhh Goddddd. This is the best idea ever. I will just call it The Gay Bar. And everyone will be happy. And there will be scones.

I'm always happy. I'm so happy. I'm just permanently chipper and I have no idea why. I wander around on my own, in a daze, with a big smile, thinking about how great it would be to be a girl who was a male stripping tapdancer, you know, the ones who pull off their suits and strip down to the boxers and wifebeater, but a GIRL. And that would be hot. And then I am chipper some more, and sit around on my own at 4am writing poems about nonsense, in a wildly lunatic French-English hybrid language. Wearing giant-skirted swing dresses with voluminous multilayered flamenco petticoats, and flowers in my hair, and major heels, and running chipperly around in the street at 7am.

I think I am actually a crazy person. A real crazy person. Nobody else seems to do what I do (except for one person, and she is a crazy person too. And I am madly in love with her and can't think of anything else, except for, apparently, gay bars and being a male tapstripper).

In a burst of gay joy I cleaned up my house and drilled holes in the walls and made spice racks and stuff. Spicy Mama. Oh yeah. Painted them green with white polka dots. I can't believe how much mess the cat makes. It's astounding. She's worse than me.

Playing at work. "Can you juggle the cocktail shaker and the Malibu bottle?" "Let's play with the tray. Can you walk with the tray on your head?" "Can you hold the tray on the bottom of your foot?" "Can you put the tray on your foot, do an arabesque, get your foot right up over your head and then put the tray on your head?" "Can you lie on the bar and lean off backwards and put your hands on the floor and backflip off it?" "What sets on fire around here?" They shouldn't put me on quiet days. If I am not permanently occupied, I am a bad influence. (But I can backflip off the bar.) One day I will actually die, I'll be amazed.

Jesus, this is all so wonderful, even if I am completely insane. I swear to God.


violetsnvalium: (Default)

August 2013


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